API of East Portland, Oregon:

Philosophy

Practice Positive Discipline:
The Eight Principles of Attachment Parenting

The following is a condensed version of this Principle. If you have questions about this Principle or how to apply it to your family situation, please contact an API Leader near you.

Attachment Parenting incorporates the "golden rule" of parenting; parents should treat their children the way they would want to be treated. Positive discipline is an overarching philosophy that helps a child develop a conscience guided by his own internal discipline and compassion for others. Positive discipline is rooted in a secure, trusting, connected relationship between parent and child. Discipline that is empathetic, loving and respectful strengthens that the connection between parent and child, while harsh or overly-punitive discipline weakens the connection. Remember that the ultimate goal of discipline is to help children develop self-control and self-discipline.

The Dangers of Traditional Discipline

Instilling fear in children serves no purpose and creates feelings of shame and humiliation. Fear has been shown to lead to an increased risk of future antisocial behavior including crime and substance abuse

Studies show that spanking and other physical discipline techniques can create ongoing behavioral and emotional problems

Harsh, physical discipline teaches children that violence is the only way to solve problems

Controlling or manipulative discipline compromises the trust between parent and child, and harms the attachment bond

It is a sign of strength and personal growth for a parent to examine his or her own childhood experiences and how they may negatively impact their parenting, and to seek help if they are unable to practice positive discipline

A Gentler Approach to Discipline

Positive discipline begins at birth. The bonds of attachment and trust that are formed when parents consistently and compassionately respond to an infant's needs become the foundation of discipline

Positive Discipline involves using such techniques as prevention, distraction, and substitution to gently guide children away from harm

Help your child explore safely, seeing the world through his eyes and empathizing as he experiences the natural consequences of his actions

Try to understand what need a child's behavior is communicating. Children often communicate their feelings through their behavior

Resolve problems together in a way that leaves everyone's dignity intact

Understand developmentally appropriate behavior, and tailor loving guidance to the needs and temperaments of your child

Children learn by example so it's important to strive to model positive actions and relationships within a family and in interactions with others

When parents react in a way that creates tension, anger or hurt feelings, they can repair any damage to the parent-child relationship by taking time to reconnect and apologize later

Tools for Positive Discipline

The full version of Practice Positive Discipline, which will be available in booklet form later in 2007, offers information on 25 practical tools that many parents find useful when practicing positive discipline. This list is not all-inclusive, and some techniques described may not be suitable for children of a particular age or temperament. Please contact an API Leader near you for more information on these tools.

Maintain a positive relationship

Use empathy and respect

Research positive discipline

Understand the unmet need

Work out a solution together

Be proactive

Understand the child's developmental abilities

Create a "yes" environment

Discipline through play

Change things up

State facts rather than making demands

Avoid labeling

Make requests in the affirmative

Allow natural consequences

Use care when offering praise

Use time-in rather than time-out

Use time-in as a parent, too

Talk to a child before intervening

Don't force apologies

Comfort the hurt child first

Offer choices

Be sensitive to strong emotions

Consider carefully before imposing the parent's will

Use logical consequences sparingly and with compassion

Use incentives creatively with older children

Learning to use positive discipline may not come easily for many parents especially if they were raised in a more traditional, authoritarian environment. That's why it's so important to attend API support groups, talk with other parents, or seek professional help.

For further information about the group, please contact the Group Leader, Sara.